Discernment or unbelief?
As we left Trivandrum and returned to Kochi, God took us deeper in our faith-journey with Him. In particular, Alex felt God speaking to his heart about faith and how the more cynical side of his personality can mean that he doesn’t always fully trust in God, and how that unbelief can be disguised as ‘discernment’.
On the train ride from Trivandrum to Kochi, Alex started ‘Reading Genesis’ by Marilynne Robinson, which is a newly published commentary on the book of Genesis. As a Calvinist theologian, Marilynne Robinson has some fairly traditional views on predestination and ‘providence’, but it was stirring how she connected these concepts as manifestations of God’s will. Despite the facts of human autonomy and free will, and despite the fact that God’s people constantly sin and disobey Him, God’s will is achieved in this world. He is the God of all creation and He has time on His side, so our failings do not stop Him. Although this wasn’t a new idea to us, the book set out examples of God’s will being done through imperfect (and often wilfully disobedient) people, in striking ways.
Alex finished the book after we got back to Kochi. That night he was having trouble sleeping and he had a vision which at first he didn’t quite understand, but the next day was clarified. The vision involved seeing a 3D object move through a 2D plane, which sounds a bit mathematical for a vision, but Alex understood this to be God’s way of getting his attention about the nature of God acting in our world. Just as Paul described ‘seeing through a glass darkly’, it is difficult for us to comprehend how God is at work in our physical universe. A person who lives in a 2D universe and who can only comprehend things in 2D will only see a slice of the 3D object which passes through. Because he does not have eyes to see it, the 3D object would appear as a totally normal 2D object in a 2D world. Alex felt challenged to believe that God is constantly working all around us. Just because something doesn’t stand out as being ‘divinely ordained’ that doesn’t mean that God isn’t constantly working in and through this physical universe.
Taking all of this deeper, Alex felt that God was pointing to something within him, namely that it is easy to disguise unbelief as ‘discernment’, especially when we are seeking to know God’s will and believing that He can make seemingly impossible things come to pass. More than ever before in our lives, we feel a sense of reliance on God in terms of where we go and who we meet. However, it’s no good saying we rely on God if we don’t fully believe in what He can do.
It is important for all of us to have discernment about what is of God and from Him, versus what is not of Him. None of us are perfect at this, which is why we have the Holy Spirit and also our fellow believers to help us with discernment. However, if we believe that God has promised something or asked us to do something, and if we believe that God can and does cause His will to be done on this earth, then we should believe in Him totally. Alex recognised in himself how easy it is to leave a bit of wriggle room to think, ‘well that’s not likely to happen’. This can feel like being discerning, but really is just unbelief. And it’s also just as limited a view as the 2D person who says ‘I don’t see anything special about that 3D object, it looks 2D to me’.
Alex shared this with a friend in Kochi, and he pointed us to James 1:6-8, which is a succinct and pertinent reminder about having faith whenever we are believing in God about something:
“But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.”
When we shared this with a friend back in Melbourne, he reminded us that just as faith the size of a mustard seed can allow God to do incredible things, ‘mustard-seed-sized’ unbelief can limit God working in our lives.
We’re sure God has shown all of this to us for a reason, to deepen our faith in Him and to be ‘all-in’ when we are trusting God for something that He has said will come to pass.