At Christmastime we feel very aware of the gift of Jesus. Christ, come to us as a baby, given freely as a gift to save us all.
The gift of a baby feels more real for us this year as we have recently found out that I am pregnant!
We have enjoyed dwelling on the nature of a gift - given freely, without being earned or deserved, and with a palpable sense of joy. A gift is not a right or entitlement; it is an expression of love from one to another.
We have been married for almost 4 years and together for over 10 years. Having a family is something we have always wanted and a year or so ago it was something we were talking seriously about. But we knew that God was speaking to us about India. We also knew that we wanted to be free and available to Him in a way that we wouldn't be if I was pregnant or we had a child with us. We therefore knew it wasn't the right time to start a family and we wanted to submit this desire to God and His will.
It was a gift freely given to Him. He did not tell us to put off having kids, He did not require it of us. Rather it was our hearts' expression to Him.
But it was something we struggled with on and off during this year. We not only felt ready to start a family but we really wanted to, so it was a constant choice to give it back to God.
The hardest part about waiting is uncertainty, and there has been lots of that this year! Up until August, we didn't know where or when we would settle in a place long enough to have a child. We would have loved some sort of timeline, even if it was a long one, as that would have given us something to hold onto, some control.
It was a continuous choice to give this to God, trusting Him with our future. And to do so joyfully, not reluctantly or in a resigned way, but in full belief that His plans would be best, including the timing of starting a family and what country that would be in.
And once we had a 12 month visa for Singapore, it finally felt right to try to start a family and we felt very blessed to be in a country with great medical care.
When I fell pregnant, it felt like the trust we had placed in God was returned to us fulfilled. But not only fulfilled, magnified, in such a beautiful way. The gift of a baby (a life that God is entrusting to us to raise, cherish, and ultimately lead to know Him) is such an abundant fulfilment of what we gave to God.
We are reminded too that Jesus was such an abundant fulfilment of God's promises. He was a gift we didn't deserve and could never earn, but was given freely as a sacrifice for us all.
Something can only be a gift when it is not a right or an entitlement or an expectation. We are able to enjoy the beautiful gift that this baby is because we had surrendered the timing of having a family to God, and while we still had our human emotions or preferences, we knew it was in His hands.
Ultimately, we can only give to God because of what God gave us first, and anything we give He multiplies and magnifies in a way we can't even imagine. Such an act of love compels another, and so we are drawn to give more, love more, and to be good shepherds of what God has given us.
Wishing you all a blessed holiday season.
